you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
