You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
