brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
