and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
