Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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