I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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