you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
