dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
