Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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