Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
