haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
