he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
