Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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