Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
