He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
