I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
