Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
