Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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