Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
