You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
