don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
