Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You are the jesus of drinking
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
