Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
