Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
