i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
