Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
