Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
