I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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