I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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