Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
