I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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