He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
