3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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