You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
