We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
