Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
