Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
