Have you finally orgasmed yet?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
