i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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