you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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