atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
