we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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