can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
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Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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