I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
