you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
