I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
