Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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