Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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