I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
