I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
