You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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