The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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