First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
