I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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