What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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