I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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