There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
