they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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