nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
