My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
