And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
