i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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