totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
