I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
