NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
