He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
