Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
