This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Send help, water and tortillas.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
