I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
