drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
