Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
