please come you make the beer taste better
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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