Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
