Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
