new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
