I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
