I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
