know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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