How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
