my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
